Granny!

Last night at around 1:45 am I got a call from my aunt Carol Lee telling me that my grandmother had just passed away. For those of you who didn’t know; my Granny has been in a nursing home for almost a decade. She had Alzheimer's disease and had lost control of most of her normal bodily function long ago. She was put under the care of Hospice for the 5th time a few days ago. She held on to this world longer than most in her condition. Her passing is something I personally have prayed about for many years. My Granny was a beautiful and wonderful woman who loved her family very much. She was a loving Christian and a true blessing to be around. When I was in Iraq in 2003-2004 I felt sure that she would pass away while I was thousands of miles away and I would not even get to attend her funeral. Today, I helped plan her funeral and pick out her casket. I stood and sat beside my aunt today taking part in a very hard process. Today I helped make decisions about what music would be played and how things would be handled. Today I held in my tears and pain so that I could be the voice of reason and the protector of family. Last night I cried! After I cried I prayed and after I prayed I cried some more. I didn’t expect that! I thought I had resolved that issue long ago. My Granny has been gone for a long time and I wanted her to pass! I wanted her not to suffer and to go be with Jesus! I was happy that she left us last night but my heart still hurts! I realize that life is so very precious and that we are here but for a moment. When I went to bed last night at around 4:00 am I put my 5 year old son in the bed with me and my wife. I held him tight and I faded away. This story has no point that I really wanted to make and it has no grand ending. I just wanted to take the time to honor my Granny and to let you all know that I loved her very much. I thank God for the moments I had with her!

In Honor of my Grandmother (Granny) Helen Dorothy Russell Sanders Payne
July 22, 1931 – Nov. 20, 2008

Your Loving Grandson
Matthew T. Hilley